How can you learn to forgive yourself and others?
Each person in his life is faced with situations when resentment, anger arises, a heaviness in the soul often appears, and we long with bitterness remember what happened. Over time, the situations are forgotten, it becomes a little easier, but once you remember the painful situation, all emotions and sensations return immediately. We cannot forgive a loved one, friend, or just an acquaintance, and as a result, we live together with our grievances.
Over time, we accumulate so many different things inside – and getting rid of this burden is very difficult, so we carry it with us through life, from day today. Common situation? Why can’t we forgive other people, we cannot forgive ourselves, and it is even more difficult to ask for forgiveness for our actions that we have offended others with. How can you learn to forgive?
Forgiveness in itself is a rather arbitrary process, it is difficult to explain exactly how it happens, but it is known for sure that after forgiveness, our health immediately improves, we feel easy, joyful, we suddenly notice that not everything is so bad and we are surrounded by wonderful people … There are several ways to explain such changes.
When forgiveness occurs, then we no longer hold the grudge and let it go, respectively, our burden on the soul becomes easier. The second point is that we no longer spend our energy on thoughts and memories of negative situations, and our energy immediately increases. And another important point – every time we forgive someone – we become wiser!
How can one learn to forgive, do not hold a grudge, calm down emotions? There is no definite answer to this question. Each of us has our own concepts of life, our own principles, our preferences. A lot also depends on our upbringing in childhood, when the basic life values were laid, temperament and character also play a great role. But there are common characteristics of those people who find it difficult to forgive: they all have certain expectations and requirements for the people around them. What should our loved ones do in relation to us, how our friends should behave, what our boss should do or how people should behave in society, and so on. Each of us has many different concepts about the behavior of others, about what laws of justice we should exist and, accordingly, we want this to happen. But for some reason, in life, people around us do not always behave exactly as we expect, and as a result, we resent them. But if you think about it, then, after all, everyone has their own justice, and everyone behaves exactly as he thinks is right.
How, then, to resolve this situation?
In fact, it is possible to find harmony with the people around you and with yourself. You can learn not to hold the offense in yourself, and those old offenses that have accumulated over the past time can be released. It is important to remember that the accumulated grievances harm your health, spoil your mood, do not give you the opportunity to move on both in personal and spiritual development and besides all this, they poison your life, constantly returning you to a negative state.
Try to use several simple ways of forgiveness, they are all effective, perhaps one or more will suit you, but believe me, it is worth doing.
1. How to forgive the people around us.
First of all, it’s important to define the circle of forgiveness Write down the names of those people who hurt you or hurt you. Try to remember everyone, even if the offense is very small, but if it is, then you need to work with it.
Much, of course, depends on how close you are to the person you want to forgive. Usually, resentment from our loved ones and loved ones hurt the most. But it is them that we love more, we know more, we understand more.
First of all, it is very important to learn how to reduce your expectations of other people. Accept life and those around you as they are. Perhaps the other person has flaws that annoy you, bad demeanor, well, tell him about it, but do it calmly and without pretensions. Explain to him why it hurts you.
Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person offending you – perhaps he did not intentionally. It happens that the words spoken in the heat of emotions hooked on some important principles or concepts for you, but this person was not going to offend you, but simply defended his point of view. In this case, try to understand him, to take his place.
If it was not easy for you to understand, there are several ways to throw out your emotions and resentment. You can write a letter to this person, in which you can tell about all the negative emotions that you felt, how important this situation was for you, and how he should, in your opinion, act. Then this letter can be simply burned or thrown away, or you can give it to the addressee, you decide for yourself. Sometimes writing such letters helps a lot to look at the situation from the other side and understand the important moments in life and for yourself. But if this method does not suit you, then you can try to do it differently.
Imagine a person who offended you, you can just try to see his eyes, you can see the whole image, as you can. After that, tell him about your resentment, about why you think that he is wrong, about everything that you see fit. Speak, do not hold back, try to speak out enough so that you feel how the resentment leaves you. After that, you will feel relieved and be able to react more calmly to what happened. If one time is not enough for you, apply the method several times, until you, having met this person, will not experience negative emotions and pain.
2. How to forgive yourself.
Forgiving yourself is usually more difficult than forgiving others. Especially if in childhood, the concepts of the correctness of how one should live, what one should be like, laid down by society and parents. Social laws and regulations sometimes affect our lives so much that we cannot afford to live the way we ourselves want.
Often, finding himself in difficult situations, a person does not act at all as he would like, that is, he concedes in a situation, or does not express his opinion, or, on the contrary, expresses and imposes on others, is rude to people or offends them and much more.
Later, remembering what happened, we cannot ask ourselves for our behavior, we suffer remorse, or we nag ourselves for how we acted. This continues for a long time, but for some reason, it is not possible to forgive yourself. How to step over your mistakes, because life goes on and you have to move on.
First, you need to accept the fact that all people are wrong. And there is nothing wrong with that because this is how we learn, we become wiser. We always act in the best and right way at the time and with the knowledge and experience that we have. Think and think about all those situations where you were angry with yourself when you realized that you were not doing the way you would like, and let them go. Be honest with yourself, take your time. Tell yourself: I forgive myself for the harm I caused this person. Analyze the situation from different angles, you will see that our opinion is most often just our opinion, and other people may think in a completely different way.
3. How to be forgiven
There is another important point in forgiveness, this is when we offend another person or hurt someone close or familiar. For many people, it is very difficult to step over their pride and apologize or ask someone else for forgiveness. Especially if this is a very close person. There is no standard way out of such situations because everyone has their own character and their own understanding of life. But the very first thing you can do is try to imagine the person you offended. Think about what words are most suitable for him so that he stops holding a grudge against you and forgives you. And then take heart and say these words, try to put your feelings for this person, your experiences in them.
If you do not have the opportunity to ask for forgiveness in person, then you can use the situation with a letter or phone. They are, of course, less effective, but they also work. Whichever method you choose, remember that you need to ask for forgiveness sincerely, from the heart, otherwise there is simply no point in it. An insincere apology will be felt right away, in which case it is better not to start at all.
There are also times when you cannot ask a person for forgiveness in person, because you cannot contact him or do not know anything else about him, you have not communicated for a long time. Then you can use the presentation method. You imagine this person and apologize to him, but all this must be done as seriously as in a personal meeting. And although in such cases you do not receive forgiveness personally, forgiveness happens on its own, it will become easier for you, and believe me, that person will certainly forgive you.