Our children – how to build relationships? Often there are situations when parents cannot find a common language with their children. As a result, both suffer from misunderstanding. How to improve relationships, learn to understand and support each other, give love and joy in communication?
Of course, a lot depends on how and in what environment the children were brought up. What values did they form for themselves, what example of communication they observed in the family between close people? But in this article, I would like to raise the topic when the children have already grown up or have grown up, but there is no mutual understanding with their parents.
Each of us has our own understanding of parenting and relationships with children, which in most cases is our experience. That is, how we were raised in childhood and how our parents treated us, so we transfer this model to our children. And sometimes this happens against our wishes.
Most often, misunderstanding between children and parents arises in two cases. In the first case, parents try to manage their children based on their own life experience, meanwhile forgetting that they themselves once did not want to listen to anyone. The second case is when children begin to interfere in the life of their parents, preventing them from having a private life. Let’s try to deal with each of these situations.
While our children are small, we take care of them, giving them a lot of time and giving them a lot of energy, in return expecting gratitude and obedience from them. Over time, children grow up, form their opinion about the world around them, and become more independent. They learn to live by gaining their own experience, taking life lessons, and getting bumps. We, as parents, want to help them avoid mistakes, protect and teach them how to do the right thing. But is it? Correctly – this concept is different for each person, and what is right for one may not be suitable for another at all. In our desire to help and care, we forget that children need to learn to make decisions on their own and have their own opinion. These qualities are very important for their future successful and happy life.
As a result, a conflict arises between parents and children – their opinions and understanding of life do not coincide. Parents want their children to continue to be obedient and grateful, and children want to act based on their own experience and understanding of life. What should parents do in this case?
Try to look at your attitude towards children from a different angle. Your children have grown up, each of them is already a personality, which has its own point of view, and therefore they need their own freedom of action. If a situation arises about which your opinions differ, calmly, and clearly explain your opinion to the children, but leave it to them to make the final decision. The sooner they learn to make their decisions and take responsibility for them, the easier it will be for them to build their lives in the future. Remember, no matter how much we want to protect children from troubles and difficulties in life, we still cannot foresee everything.
In the second case, the situation is reversed. Some parents connect their lives with their children so much that they forget about their personal life. Over time, when children grow up, parents want to have some separate life from them with their own interests and desires, but children still believe that the parents’ life is completely theirs.
Most often, the parents themselves are to blame for this, who taught their children to such an attitude. Changing this situation will not be easy, but possible. It all depends on how much the parents want it. You need to very clearly and easily explain to the children your position in relation to an important issue for you. You will have to do this several times, at least. Changes in the relationship will not come immediately, in some cases, it takes several months. It is very important to stick to the chosen position and not deviate from it. Not immediately, but over time, the children will understand that your decision is really final and will accept it.
I would also like to draw your attention to the following thing. In our life, we, based on our own concepts, expect that our children should always be grateful to us. And when situations arise in which our children behave differently, we get upset, angry, and quarrel with them. But children are not our property. We raise them, take care of them, help them and then we must let them go and give them the opportunity to live their own lives. It’s hard to do, but that’s life. All our expectations are just our expectations, and as much as we would like to, they will not always correspond to them. Learn to accept children as they are, support them, forgive mistakes, love and give them love